visions--day 21

Interesting how place can affect the quilts that I make. When I lost my studio, I was fortunate enough to find a space I could rent across the river. It too had large windows and high ceilings. There was a charm about the building. However the view was different. This time when I looked out the window I saw the geometry of the Iron Bridge. Beautiful in its own right but splitting the sky into brief snippets of blue. The train whistle was more distant but I could see the might as the gate came down and it roared through town.

My life too was different. I could see the hole where my studio had been.  I could feel its absence every day. And yet in order to go on, I needed to divide my life into sections just like the Iron Bridge did. I needed the calm certainty of sewing and creating. One seam after the other. What more could I learn from the log cabin pattern? How much further could I push it? The "hearth" or center of the block offering a hope against the lines of the steps. Methodical meditative work.

Am I over-writing this description? Probably. But that was the origin of my quilt--visions. Yes, it was quilt as you go for those who want to be technical with all the threads tied off. Picky absorbing work. What more can I say?

visions--38x38"--quilt--Ann Brauer--image by John Polak

detail--visions--quilt--Ann Brauer

it gets personal--day 12

August 28, 2011

I was standing at the American Craft Exposition in Evanston, Illinois when friends of mine came running down to my booth.

"Ann," they said. "Is there anyone who can get your quilts out of your studio? Shelburne Falls is flooding."

Soon, as they say, the rest is history. My beloved studio which had stood since the 1930's floated down the river as a result of Tropical Storm Irene.

Don't tell me that climate change is not real. Period.

While I waited for my new studio to get build I made a series of quilts based on the Deerfield River. Much better than fretting when it would get finished, wasn't it?

green river--38x38"--quilt--Ann Brauer 2015--photo by John Polak

pacing myself

From my cutting table I can look across the river and see my new studio progressing. Who is working today? I check out the vehicles. Watch what is going in. Soon, I tell myself. Soon. I will be there.

This week-end my wonderful step-children came for a visit. Of course I had to take them over to see my studio. They are both so busy they had only seen pictures before. When we walk in, I have to pinch myself that this place will indeed be mine in a week or so. Will they finish it in time? What will they be doing while I am in? Can't worry though too much. It is fabulous. The floors are the most wonderful grey polished concrete. They shine in their glory. The windows are light and airy. The lines are amazing. Oh I can't wait to show you all.

My neighbors ask if I am packing just yet. I explain that my life involves constant packing. After all, every time I do a craft show I pack most of my quilts. My display. My clothes. Drive to the show. Set up the booth. Take down the booth. Drive home and set up the studio--hopefully--a few less quilts. This is a skill I have perfected over the years. Remember I managed to be open for business after Irene so quickly that many thought I had planned the move before Irene.  Need I remind you. I hadn't.

One thing I have learned is that if I start packing too soon--if I quit making the quilts that I need to have to sell--I get nervous and waste time. Part of my life involves me organizing my time efficiently. Yes, I know that sounds very business like and almost sterile, but I like to make quilts. Being efficient lets me make more of them.

Another thing I have learned is that I have to be in the groove so to speak to make the quilts I want to make. When I return from a show, I have to get back into the groove. It takes a while.

So instead of getting nervous, I decide I must make a new quilt. After making the teal placemats, I decide I must make a teal quilt. Not large but good sized. Light and airy. The colors of the ocean. A quilt that will look great in the new studio.

teal placemats--13x19"--Ann Brauer

I think of my quilt--cold ocean. But this time I want it warmer.

cold ocean--45x45"--Ann Brauer

I start. As always I tell myself--make what I know. The greys. The teal progression.

twilight--quilt--Ann Brauer

I do like the rich colors. Need to get some more when I find them. I feel like I am hunting for just the tiniest scraps to add to the piece. Yes, I think I will go to dark sooner rather than later.

twilight--quilt--Ann Brauer

I like the effect of the sky against the beach. I think I need to add a row at the top.  Don't put in the sand color. Hmmm. I think about it. What about blue? That might anchor it.  Create the power of the sky against the grey. Worth trying.

twilight--quilt--Ann Brauer

How will it look when sewn together? Does the blue distract? Only one good way to find out. As I hand sew, I try to plan the move more. How should I do it? What goes first? How do I keep my fabric in order so I can find it easily? Where will I put my design board? I try not to get nervous.

twilight--quilt--32x48"--Ann Brauer

Yes, that does tie it all together. Aren't the colors rich and lovely? Now to finish it off. Press it. Clean off the threads. Take a few pictures. Figure out what to do next.

What do you think? How do you plan a move?

Focused on the Future

Seems like so long ago doesn't it?  August 28, 2011--a date that I shall always remember. I know exactly where I was when I learned that my beloved pink studio had floated down the river during Hurricane Irene. I was at the American Craft Exposition in Evanston, Illinois.  My article "Focused on the Future" about relocating my studio was just published in the Summer edition of Studios magazine. There it is--in black and white and living color. I wrote the article myself.  Well, actually when I found myself getting too edgy thinking about that day, I let the editor do more of the research.

To paraphrase comments made about the movie Titanic when it first came out--"The boat sank. Get over it." And I knew I just did not need to see more images of my beloved pink studio heading downstream. That's what editors are for, aren't they?

So I concentrated on re-establishing my studio at 6 Bridge Street. Getting to the point where I can make the quilts that I was just dreaming about on August 27. Pushing myself to make something new and exciting.

It's a good article though--if I do say so myself. A few typos. That's to be expected.  An image got misattributed. But who cares? If you get a chance, you might want to read it. Studios is sold at many bookstores.  You can also order it on-line at http://www.interweavestore.com/Mixed-Media/Magazines/Studios-Summer-2012.html?SessionThemeID=7

Or you can come by my new. I will have copies for sale and you also can see some of the new quilts I have started making including this one I just finished yesterday--rainbows of autumn. Lovely isn't it? And thanks once again to everyone who has been so absolutely wonderful during this whole process. Irene certainly did bring out the best in so many people and organizations including CERF+.

getting back on track--a blast from the past, I guess

How hard it was this morning to spend several hours finding videos and images of my studio that floated down the river during Tropical Storm Irene. I still cannot watch the images all the way through without feeling that I have been hit in the stomach--ugh!!  But I had promised to write an article for a national magazine on the process of re-establishing my studio and I knew that this was a good thing to do.  Not only would it hopefully give others a few tips but also as the saying goes--there is no such thing as bad publicity.

How amazing it is to me that it was just a few short months ago that my DH rode his Vespa down to visit me at 6 Bridge Street. How much I have done since then.

I realized that just as I did through the entire process for me the most important thing is to think of the new quilts that I have made and those that I do still want to make.  Sometimes I feel that by making optimistic quilts one can become more hopeful. How do you get back on track? How do you deal with the events that try to push you off track? And no, I won't give you more details about the article just yet--but stay tuned. Of course I will promote it when the time comes.

the break of dawn--45 x 45"--quilt by Ann Brauer

getting back on track--the bend in the road

Sometimes life takes you in strange and unexpected directions. On August 27, 2011 I had great plans for my business--quilts I wanted to make, shows I wanted to apply for, a studio to clean, marketing I wanted to improve. On August 28, 2011--well, my loyal readers know what happened--and the short story for the others is that my studio floated down the river as a result of Hurricane Irene. No need to go over that again.

Instead I picked myself up with the help of so many wonderful friends, neighbors and strangers, found a new studio and worked non-stop to replace the quilts and fabric that I lost.  After all, what else was there to do? But still I feel like I have gotten off-track. There are all the things I was going to do before Irene. There are still things that I have to do because of Irene. There are decisions that I have to make as a result of Irene. And there are the new quilts that I have designed in my mind--maybe because of Irene or maybe just because that is the direction my art wants to move anyway. 

Now I am not one to hold a pity party for myself--well, at least not too often and too publicly.  And I certainly know that I am not the only artist dealing with the obstacles that life throws in our paths. For a while I was too tired, too dazed to really do anything but make quilts. After all, the first thing I had my DH install in my new studio was my design board.  However, I do feel that finally I have the energy to tackle at least some of these questions so I have decided to begin a series of short blog posts as I try to move forward step by step not at all sure where I will end up or how I will do it.

I hope that not only will this blog help me move forward and get back on track so to speak but that my readers will come along for the journey. I know it has been only through the help and kind thoughts of so many that I have gotten this far. Now I could use the help and suggestions of you along the way also. I do hope you will come along for the ride.

looking forward not backward

OK--it is December 30. The radio is busy summarizing the highlights of the year--actors we lost, best songs, controversies that weren't. You know the gist of it--they do it every year--just the details are different. That's what people do at this time isn't it? Auld lang syne--singing in the new year with memories of the old.

Not me. Not this year. Sure there were good things in 2011. I started working with very thin strips of fabric. I loved the concept when I began last winter and I still love it now, don't you? The wall hangings that have that splash of intense color.

The smaller pieces--the eyeglass cases, the purses, the wall hangings--that just have the power of those tiny strips. Love them all. Hard to keep them in stock actually, I guess that's what you call high class worries, isn't it?

 

Of course, there was Tonks. I must remember that I got her this year. What a sweetheart.

 I can't forget how wonderful my DH was. What a hero. Working tirelessly to help me after my studio floated. And speaking of help--I must also say how amazing my friends, the community of Shelburne Falls, other quilt makers and the crafts people and artists and my customers are. The most generous, kind, giving group of friends anyone could possibly have. I just can't thank you all enough. Amazing how people show there true nature in such times.

You see, I am avoiding talking about the obvious. My friend John Sendelbach published pictures of Irene in his blog if you want to see them HERE.  He has got the videos posted there too. I looked at them yesterday--or was it the day before--I have met people who saw the images when they were in France. South East Asia. Australia. Not what I need to see again thanks. I loved that building. I didn't need to get my 15 minutes of fame like that. Nope. Thank you. Enough.

So that is why I am thumbing my nose at 2011. No farewell for me. Think of that word--fare well. Nope. Not this time. It is good bye, good riddance. Don't forget to shut the door on the way out. Can't wait to see the end of you. As for me, my DH and I are going out on New Year's Eve to celebrate the arrival of 2012. Remember I have the walnut table in my studio--that is where I come from. You can read about it HERE. We will raise a glass to 2012. Cheer. Celebrate the dawn. It has to be better, doesn't it?

And you--how do you plan to celebrate 2012? What will you remember about 2011?

but do I have enough fabric?

OK--I finally decided I must make a new wall hanging. Not just a small square but a mid-size one. Sort of like the ones I used to make. Back in the good old days before Irene. When my quilts were selling well and I had plenty of stash. Just a month or so ago as you may remember. Sigh!! How life can change.

After all, I do need to have quilts to sell and I did lose about half my quilts, much of my stash and my darling building thanks to Irene. GRRR!!! Sometimes though the only way out is through. Luckily I will be doing the Paradise City Northampton show in a few days--hope to see many of you there.

So I told myself a few days ago I must start. I will make a quilt that I have made before. A few tweaks here and there of course. I never make the same quilt twice after all. But I don't want to reinvent everything at once. I know it will be hard enough to work in the new space. Figure out which fabrics I have. Ease myself gradually into the process.

Why not a variation on desert hills? Nice quilt isn't it? Some of the greys that I have been working with. I think I have a few golden browns. Not sure about the darker colors--but A Notion to Quilt has been very generous and they are just up the road from me.

But will I have enough fabric? After all each block requires 10 or is it 12 different  fabrics--all related in color and progressive. Not just any grey will do. A grey with mauve is so different from a grey with green or rust.  Each block must be different--although I do allow myself to use the same fabric more than once. And each row is a different color combination so this means a lots of different fabrics. I can't overthink it though so I start.

Hmmm. Not bad. I look at it for a day and add another row. Let's see what happens.

Yes, there is a color here. Definitely some variation but not bad. I don't think I will add another row of even darker down at the bottom. Instead some pale yellows and tans. Let's see what happens.

Is the sunshine too bright? Can I find the colors for three more rows of golden brown--not too bright?
I don't want to overwhelm the grey. I am thinking about a bit of the thin piecing in the center. Maybe. Luckily I just received a lovely package of stash from a quiltmaker in Washington State--what lovely browns she included. Just what I needed.

Hopefully today I can add another row. How nice it feels to be working again. What do you think? How do you start working again? Will I see you at the Paradise City Show? Or my new studio?

Mud season

Oh no--no matter how nice everyone has been--and people have been very very kind. Businesses and friends have gone out of their way for me in ways I dare not expect and can't but appreciate and cherish.  Still no matter how hard I try to accept it--and I do try very very hard--there is a part of me that is screaming inside--"NO!" "Let me wake up from this nightmare. This is really not happening to me. Tomorrow I can go back to my happy contented life at 2 Conway Street and create the quilts of my dreams."

OK--I know that is not going to happen. I know I should be so grateful. And indeed I am. After all, I lost my studio--my home away from home--but not my home. More importantly I did not lose any one near and dear to me. That would have been unimaginable. And I don't want to seem unthankful for all those who have been so kind to me. This is just a passing moment and I do appreciate and cherish your lovely and gracious actions--please do not get me wrong.

I did have my best quilts with me and within me. I can rebuild. Maybe even making better quilts or a better career. I have an absolutely wonderful husband who will do anything he can for me. I have great friends. A great community both in Shelburne Falls and in the general art/quilt community.

I know deep in my heart that I was/am very very lucky. Yet sometimes I cry. I scream with rage. I hope to wake up. I hope this is not wrong. I hope this is just normal.

Meanwhile I try to make quilts that contain the mud. Maybe it is too soon. Maybe I need to make quilts about rebirth. Dawn. Maybe a complex quilt will contain my feelings. Not sure. I will try a new quilt tomorrow--see if that tames the anguish inside me.

For now though this is my first quilt of the mud season. I hope you will bear with me as I try to sort through this random act of whatever.

What do you think? How do you cope? Is working through mud the answer or should I go to dawn? How do you use the rage against the night?

the colors of mud

I wake up early one morning this week--now that is not surprising. I have been doing that a lot recently--3 or 4 am--if I am lucky I sleep until 5. Thanks Irene--and Good Night to you too.. But this time I am thinking of a new quilt instead of worrying about that to do list. Sweet. The way life should be.

Now I had been telling myself that my first quilt should be optimistic. Bright colors like first light. Happy and joyous. A quilt about hope and rebirth.

But instead I think of one in the soft colors of greys and taupe, steel blues and mist. I am scared to make it. The Deerfield River is still flowing strong and brown right now--remembering its rage and sorrow. I can see it from my new studio. Do I really want to go there? Is it too soon? Or maybe this is what I need to do? I am not sure.

I plow through the lovely boxes of stash I have received. Such gifts from the heart. Each one does cheer and encourage me. The one with two pieces--just the colors that I need. The customer who sent a lavender color that I had sadly used up a few years ago--how glad I am to have it again. The quilt maker who wanted to interview me--much like they do at the Animal Shelter--would I promise to use and enjoy the fabric as much as she had? I tore into that package.

Yes, maybe I need to be making the colors of the mud and river part of me. Yes, this is what interests me right now. It is my life.

Don't you just love these fabrics? And the new cutting board--thank you Notion to Quilt. And I start to sew--slowly at first. It is a challenge to figure out the fabrics. A few that I had stored high in the studio--these I know. Many from others that I need to learn about. To study and absorb.  But I am sewing. This feels right.

Gradually I regain confidence. Add the strips one at a time. Right now I can't add that dusky muddy green--that feels too close to home. Instead just a bit of the mauve and pink. That hint of sunrise and rebirth.

Not bad is it? Maybe the next one needs that green of angry water--not sure.  Probably I do need to work through that. But today I must finish this one--just a simple square--but from the heart. What do you think? What inspires your quilts? Do you ever find yourself making a quilt to deal with life?

after all, I am a craftsperson

I remember years and years ago--I was at one of those very prestigious craft shows inside a large convention center. This was back when booth fees were much more affordable and they wanted people to have L-A-R-G-E booths. So I had sprung for a 15 x 10 foot space which used every piece of display I had to create my booth. For those who don't know, my booth is made from 1" steel pipes that very cleverly snap together with some connectors designed just for this purpose. It is a wonderful strong system that does not sag under the weight of my quilts but the one drawback is that it is not very flexible. The booth must be made with right angles and must be the size of the pieces. So 15 x 10 works great, 14 x 9 requires a lot of thought.

Anyhow, this particular space had a huge supporting pillar--about 3 feet by 4 feet right in the back corner of the booth.  I did not have the display parts to deal with this pillar so I asked one of the very friendly volunteers if there was anything that could be done. Her answer was so cut and dry it has always stuck with me.

"No," she said. "Nothing can be done about it. But," she added with a smile, "you are a craftsperson and I am sure you will figure it out."

And in fact I did. I jerry-rigged some method of tieing the booth together and taping a curtain over the offending pillar--I forget exactly how but remember lots of duct tape and bungee cord--and I had a great show.

Needless to say, this is a skill that I have had to use more than once.

The last couple days as I was getting the  new studio ready for a "soft" re-opening I found that my  coping skills lacking. Little things wore on me. The young reporter--who was herself overwhelmed by the numerous tragedies of Irene in West County--and many are far worse off than I am--asked me one too many questions that showed she did not know how hard I was working to set up the new space. The friend who wanted to sell me something. You must know the feeling. Hey, I even started to hold a pity party for myself--and trust me, I don't like pity parties--especially when I am the hostess. Time to snap out of it.

I needed my quilts up. I needed to be open for business. The new studio had been so lovingly cleaned by volunteers--both wonderful old friends and new ones that I have made. Sure there is a ton more to do. The floor needs lots of TLC. Storage space needs to be in place. Lights. But that could wait. I just needed to get the quilts up. Display the smaller items.  But how?

Sure, I had received a wonderful grant from CERF+--do check them out--such a marvelous caring organization.  My friends had out-done themselves. How lucky I am. I had even pre-shopped for used furniture that would look great in the space.  The new studio is half the size of the old. That will come in a few weeks.

But I wanted to be open NOW. I needed to be sewing NOW!!! That is after all, how I stay sane and cope with life--or at least as sane as I normally am. So when a friend said, "You are a craftsperson. Use your booth display furniture for now," I realized she was absolutely right.

Why not. This I know how to do. This I have been doing for so many years. So I enlisted yet another friend to help me hang my quilts. Set up my booth furniture and tables. Put out the table runners and purses that I had taken to the craft fair. Made a stack of the placemats that had not sold in Evanston. Don't want to do it for long, but not bad for now, is it?

Now I can sew. After all, I didn't have flood insurance--only two people in town did, FEMA does not help small businesses--GRRR--I had not known that before, and I am not sure I want a loan from the SBA, so the only way out is to make the very best quilts that I can. There is a tax write off for losses--I just need the income to write off . I need to make the orders I have received.

And though the studio still looks unfinished, I can now see there is a bit of normal in my life.

And you what do you do when life takes that unexpected turn? Whether it is health or family or business? How do you stay sane? Return to normal? If you are a craftsperson or an artist, how do you return to work?

the quilts of Ann Brauer--Good Night Irene

What an amazing few days this has been. This will be a short note for now. For those who don't know, my beloved studio was washed down the Deerfield River as a result of Hurricane Irene. I can't really bear to go into the details again--for those curious I have been posting regular updates on my Facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/AnnBrauerQuiltStudio If you want you can google me on YouTube--just look for Ann Brauer Hurricane Irene.  Luckily for me I was doing the American Craft Exposition in Evanston, IL and had my best quilts with me. Because the studio floated down the river and came to rest against a valiant maple tree, some of the items I had stored on higher shelves survived. Most importantly for me, the two quilts my grandmother made were dry. Some of my equipment can be salvaged. Some fabric was OK. Much of my stash was lost.

Indeed much of Shelburne Falls suffered very serious damage although we were very lucky that the entire town was not destroyed. The whole community has pulled together in so many wonderful ways. Already the streets are lined with equipment pumping water, clearing streets and helping people put their lives back together. Many businesses are still open including McCusker's,  Salmon Falls Artisans Showroom and many of the businesses on the Shelburne side of the river. The Iron Bridge is now open for pedestrian traffic.

Which leads me to the very good news. I just rented a lovely studio space on the Shelburne side of the bridge. I am right next to Dick and Dianne Muller--whom I have known for almost as long as I have been a quilt maker. I could not have nicer neighbors--and if you don't know their leather work--especially their wonderful handbags--I know you will want to stop by and see them when you visit me. The space is actually really nice with those wonderful patterned tin ceilings and those wonderful windows overlooking the sidewalk.

Sometime next week I hope to begin getting moved into the space although I am sure it will take a while to become accustomed to my surroundings. I will be at the Paradise City Arts Festival in Northampton on Columbus Day week-end as usual. If I was supposed to contact you for any reason, please forgive me.

Here is a picture of my new space.

Soon my address will be 6 Bridge Street, Shelburne Falls, MA 01370 I plan to keep the same phone number. As always, if you are coming from a distance do give me a phone call since there will be lots of meetings with FEMA, MEMA and probably others. For now if you need to reach me, you can e-mail me or call me at 413 628 4014. My mail is getting held at the 2 Conway Street address.

And I am sorry but this month I just can't do a quilt of the month. I am sure you will understand.